“Life is difficult. I had never expected it to be so beautiful and yet so brutal at the same time. Sometimes, I feel like ending. First, because I believe I have had my best, that there’s no more good left to feel, or experience. The best has already happened, and anything less would be injustice to myself.

Nothing can replace ‘the best’, right? And anything you get next, is like a compromise, it’s like the second best, it’s like less. And I do not want less. I do not want the next. I just need the best!

I do not wish to be explicit; I just want to pour out what it feels tonight. My greatest of fears is advancing. It feels like someone’s putting a knife on your chest, and you bleed tears, and yet you smile, because you must! It’s like imagining yourself destroying lives and then thinking…