I can’t believe it’s a year since I didn’t become a better person. No one knows the future, yet we can’t stop guessing while expecting only the good, and not the bad or even both. You should spend more time on your feet. Take a walk every day or at the very least consider it. Also, teach the kids. Give them a reason to be grateful. Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best. Because resolutions are like babies. They’re fun to make but extremely difficult to maintain. Babies here applies to both infants and women.

I’m opening a gym called Resolutions. It will have exercise equipment for the first month of the year and then it will turn into a cafeteria for the remaining eleven months. I need to start eating more healthy, but first I need to eat all the junk…