I’m not lost. To be lost, you have to know where it is you’re supposed to be. And I don’t even know that. Lose weight? Try dieting. I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is 14 days. The first thing you lose on a diet is your humor. You might not know this, but all that cholesterol intake is great for your humor. It’s why I like my chicken marinated and deep-fried. There’s nothing funnier than a guy making jokes with a piece of chicken in one hand and a glass of wine in the other.

I can see exactly where I want to be. I just can’t see how I will ever get there. I mean, I want to be rich and famous.  I already know how I’d spend a million dollars, it just hasn’t come yet. He who learns but does not…